The Lonely Loner

In a weird place right now.

I'm training a new hire at work, and will be for at least the next week or two. She's nice and easy to get along with. She's been in this line of work four times longer than I have, so I don't really need to train her on how to do the job - just the particulars of how this city wants it done. So the training itself is easy. It's something else...

Every time I'm training someone my mind quickly starts to fast forward to when I've got my car to myself again. I like being alone in my car. I like going where I want, when I want, and doing what I want without need for reason or explanation. I don't get irritated or upset, I just get anxious to be alone again. It's weird, because to me the only thing better than having my car to myself is meeting up with a coworker during the shift to shoot the breeze. I like being alone, as long as I can go meet up with a buddy whenever the need arises. It's weird.

I guess when I've got the car to myself I can decide when to hang out with a coworker for a few minutes and when I want to drive around practicing my Bobby Darin or Billy Joel karyoke performances. It's a Piano Man meets Mack the Knife kinda thing.

The real irony is that despite my strong desire to be alone at work I rarely want to be alone when off work. The Weirdo has endured my whining about missing being at home with her and the Monkey since I went to a night shift back in August. The Weirdo and I have discussed our individual need for alone time. It's not a lack of love or desire to be together. I think on some level it's just human nature. We all put on a little bit of a game face when we're with another person. My game face for the Weirdo is pretty thin - even transparent in some places, while the face I use for work is unbelievably thick.

So the Weirdo and I both value alone time. She gets hers in the evening, with a book or her writing or (lately) Ghost Whisperer while me and the Monkey play in the living room. I usually get my alone time at work - unless I'm training someone. The past couple days I've been in this weird state of wanting to be with the Weirdo and the Monkey in one instant and wishing for a few solitary hours in the next.

I don't know how, but I think the solution to this is a karyoke night. I've got a Black Crowes song in mind that I'm a little nervous about, but we'll see how it goes.